he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
