hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
