I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
