After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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