Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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