Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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