remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
