Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
