I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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