I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize