I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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