Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
