i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
