ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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