you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
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Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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