U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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