Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
