I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
