I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
