$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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