everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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