I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
