I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
