I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she peed on how many people?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
