hell yes lets make some ravioli
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
