I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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