Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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