You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i now understand why vodka
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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