I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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