and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize