I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
