Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
