Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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