Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
