I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
