This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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