also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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