I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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