People with herpes should wear stickers.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
