Four minutes until I can fart!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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