i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
