you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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