SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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