I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
