I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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