Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A bitchslap is in order.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
