she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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