Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
