some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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