I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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