1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
