i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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