You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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