Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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