Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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