The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
