One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
