Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize