Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
