sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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