I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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