I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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