Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
