Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
