so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
